smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize