and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
its liver damage thursday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
