the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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