I hate all girls vehemently.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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