He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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