Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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