My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
