have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
