I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
