It's like God shit irony all over that family
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
