i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
