Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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