Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
