he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
