Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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