i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
