If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
