You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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