Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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