I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
