He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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