weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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