Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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