I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
