What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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