my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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