there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
