i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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