the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
