I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
