How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
