There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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