Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize