your thong is hanging out like whoa
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
