Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
