well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
