I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
