i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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