He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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