Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
