Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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