ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
