turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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