ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
