the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
