I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dicks are not precious.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
