woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
