i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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