need another drink. this is the easiest way
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
