Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
