My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
