You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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