capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
