No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
