Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
