You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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