yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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