there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
