I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
