I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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