Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She bit a glass in half.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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