i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
