dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The air was thick with penises
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
