he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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