the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
