White coat. Heels.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
