2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
her vagine was all disorganized.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
