He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
