My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
