When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
