God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
