the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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