pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
