I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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