hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
