life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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