the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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