also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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