Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize