I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize