I want to make a zoo with you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
