...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
