Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
