So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize