That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
