thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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