im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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