I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
