is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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