I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
