Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
