3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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