Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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