shes about as inviting as chlamydia
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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